Coping with relationship break up

A breakup is one of the most emotionally stressful experiences a person has to go through in life. Anyone can go through this upsetting transition in their romantic relationships. Whether a relationship lasted for two years or two decades, a breakup can leave us feeling all sorts of negative emotions—pain, confusion, isolation, detachment and fear.


Breakup Pains

Why are breakups painful? They don’t only represent the loss of a relationship; breakups also signify the end of dreams, plans and the commitment you shared. For some, it could even feel like the end of the future. Even if you had an unhealthy relationship, there will always be these negative feelings associated with a breakup.

Most, if not all, relationships typically start on a high note, with so much excitement, expectations and dreams for the future. So when they end, there is this overwhelming sense of being lost, like you are thrown into a new place, not knowing where to start or how to continue.

Everything around you is disrupted: work, daily routine, life at home and your relationships with family and friends. You may also be afraid to face the uncertainties: What will happen to me? What is it like to be alone? Will I ever be happy again?

While these feelings are normal, recovery can be challenging and will take time. But you can speed up the post-relationship healing process by following healthy healing approach to reduce the amount of emotional baggage and pain that is burdening you. At the same time, emotional healing can keep future relationships from being contaminated by the past.


Talk it through

One of the healthiest ways to cope with a breakup is to talk it through with someone who understands what’s happening. You need the time to come to terms with how you feel and a great support system is critical to your recovery. Don’t try to deal with this alone; isolating yourself will only make it harder. If you avoid your emotions, you’ll find yourself repeating the same painful relationship dynamic, but with a different person.

But it is also important to choose the people to surround yourself with. These people should truly listen, offer valuable advice, have your best interest in mind and won’t criticise or judge you. Some of our clients are feeling forced into recovering quickly by family members, and the pressure only adds  to the pain. The thing is, people respond to breakups differently. There is no  right or wrong way in dealing with it.

Talking over your thoughts with a professional will help you get an objective point of view of your situation. As professionals, we are here to help you gain clarity of your relationship so you can have a better understanding of why it did not work.

Nurture positive emotions

All these negative thoughts are clouding you, making it difficult for you to direct your attention to the good things. In time, you will come to understand that, the end of a relationship can be the most liberating experience. You are no longer fighting and struggling to understand. Learning to embrace this freedom can open the doors to new opportunities and life experiences.

This sense of freedom channels positive emotions, which can energise you into creating new plans, tackling your next steps and looking forward to a better future.

This may be one of the toughest moments in your life, but I am sure you can get through this and emerge with a renewed sense of happiness and hope. Wishing you the best in this healing journey.

Social anxiety

Fiona Stevenson counselling psychotherapist Gold Coast