Relationship Red Flags You Shouldn't Ignore

The exhilaration of a new romance can turn even the most level headed person light-headed and giddy. Quite often we are all wrapped up in the thrill of a new relationship, that we ignore the Relationship Red Flags. Ignoring these relationship red flags may find yourself in a unhealthy relationship. This is it not your fault and it can happen to anyone. Relationship Red Flags provide you with a warning that this relationship is not right for you and that you need to think about your options on how to end the relationship. While it is tempting to make excuses for their bad behaviour, ignoring these red flags you will eventually fall into the trap of trying to make a doomed or worse an abusive relationship work. Life is too short and precious to share it with someone who; belittles you, disrespects you, only values you for sex, your appearance or your ability to earn money. While this is not a fully comprehensive list, below are five major relationship red flags that everyone needs to be aware of.


  1. Quick to Anger

It’s true, everyone does get angry at some point. However, consider what is the frequency and ruthlessness of your partners reactions? Are they using anger to control or manipulate a situation? Is anger being used instill fear onto another person? Using anger to create fear is a form of intimidation and control, which will take away your voice in the relationship creating an unequal partnership.


  1. Secretive or Lying Behaviours

Honestly is essential for a healthy relationship to flourish. Being private and being secretive are two different things. Typically a private person will enjoy time alone, where as a secretive person will attempt to keep you shut off about certain topics of their life. When asked, a secretive person will shut down or refuse to share aspects of their life. If your partner is unwilling to communicate some of the lack-lustre details of their life with you, how will you be able to connect on a more intimate level? You will be always left questioning what are they hiding? Emotional intimacy in a relationship is knowing the details about your partner.


  1. Possessive Behaviour

Asking questions such as “How was your day?” Can feel normal and harmless. However when these questions become more invasive such as; Who were you with? What time did you arrive at the café? When did you leave the café? Is a red flag for overly possessive behaviour, especially if this accompanied with a over-commitment to knowing your whereabouts.

Unfortunately this is often misinterpreted as them caring for you. It’s not, they are disrespecting your boundaries.  Checking up on you when they know you are at work, the persistent calls, text messages or even showing up unexpectedly wherever you are, is harassment designed for them to gain control in the relationship.  Leaving you isolated from your friends and family.  Leaving you with no one to turn to when the relationship goes sour.


  1. Doesn’t say “I’m Sorry”

This may sound like no biggie, but the inability to say “I’m Sorry” when at fault does have significant consequences. Refusing to apologise and be held accountable, is a red flag for the perception of inequality within your relationship. Inequality is either a projection of superiority, where they are not responsible for any of the wrong doings. Or it can stem from a deep seeded feeling of inadequacy. By saying “I’m sorry” would expose them as being vulnerable, with the perception of them being open to criticism or rejection. A healthy relationship has both partners being held responsible for their actions and being able to openly talk about how their actions affected them.


  1. Gut Feelings

It’s different for everybody, but it may feel like a funny tingle, or that uneasy feeling that something isn’t right. Our bellies do more than just process the food we eat.  Our digestive system is made up of a extensive network of neurons, that has been nicknamed our “second brain”. Scientists are beginning to discover that part of our emotions are influenced by the nerves in our gut. Intuition is a real thing, and we all have it.


If your relationship is showing signs of these ‘Relationship Red Flags’, remember you deserve to be happy. If you are still feeling confused and want to explore your options in a confidential talk. Call us today for a free 15 minute phone consultation at 0403 747 626.

Fiona Stevenson Gold Coast

Fiona Stevenson counselling psychotherapist Gold Coast

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